Dealing with Difficult Coworkers Without Burning Bridges

Dealing with Difficult Coworkers

In my years coaching leaders, I have yet to meet anyone who has avoided difficult coworkers entirely. Some will take credit for your ideas, some are so abrasive that teammates avoid them, and some quietly underperform while others pick up the slack. I have learned that handling these situations with a balance of courage, clarity, and compassion is what separates thriving professionals from those who burn out.

TL;DR

• Assume good intent. Don’t personalize. Get curious before you get critical.

• Share observations, not judgments. Stick to facts; then ask for what you want.

• Use “we” framing. Make it you + them vs. the problem.

• Set ground rules early. Define success, feedback norms, and handoffs before projects begin.

• Have the conversation sooner than later. Avoiding conflict silently normalizes it.

• Prepare by role-playing. Say your lines out loud three times before the meeting.

My Three Core Principles

First, I always assume good intentions. Very few people wake up with the goal of making your day harder. Often, their behavior is a reflection of stress, insecurity, or pressures outside of work. This perspective keeps my emotions in check and allows me to respond thoughtfully.

Second, I lead with observations rather than judgments. Judgments invite defensiveness, but observations invite conversation. I explain what I saw or heard, outline the impact, and make a request. It is direct, but constructive.

Third, I think in terms of “we.” This isn’t me versus you—it’s us versus the problem. This shift in language and mindset changes the tone of the entire discussion.

When Someone Uses Your Talking Points

Raj once shared a story about a senior colleague who repeated his exact talking points to a high-ranking official without giving credit. My advice was to reclaim ownership politely in the moment: “Ditto on what Jordan just shared, those were the exact talking points I briefed him on earlier. I’ll add one more angle we discussed…” This protects your credibility, signals that you prepared the content, and moves the conversation forward.

Afterward, I suggest addressing it privately to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

Addressing Abrasive Behavior

When someone is known for harsh responses, think strategically about the messenger. Sometimes it should come from a manager, HR, or a peer they respect. Insecurity is often at the core of this behavior, so I start by acknowledging their strengths before raising the issue.

I also use structured feedback tools like 360 reviews to surface patterns that the person may not be aware of. When positioned as part of a development process for everyone, it’s less threatening and more effective.

Tackling Underperformance

Underperformance left unchecked sends the message that it’s acceptable. I start with a direct but supportive approach: “You’re here because you bring real strengths. On the last two sprints, your deliverables landed after QA cutoffs, which delayed our timelines. Can we align on a plan for timely, high-quality delivery? What do you need from me or the team?”

If nothing changes, I escalate the conversation with clarity and specific next steps. Avoiding it only makes it worse.

Moving from Peer to Manager

This is a tricky transition. I recommend naming the shift openly: “Last week we were peers, today I’m your manager. What excites you about this change, and what makes you nervous? Here are my own thoughts. Hold me accountable if you feel I’m going too easy or too hard on former peers.”

Acknowledging the change upfront builds trust and prevents misunderstandings.

Setting Ground Rules Early

One of the simplest ways to prevent conflict is to set expectations before work begins. I always start projects by having the team define what success looks like. I ask about strengths and weaknesses so we know where support is needed, and I make sure we agree on how to give feedback when something’s off.

For example, if someone prefers feedback immediately after a meeting rather than in front of the group, we establish that at the start. If we know deadlines are tight, we discuss in advance how we’ll handle missed milestones. These ground rules create psychological safety and reduce the likelihood of personalizing mistakes.

We also talk about how credit will be shared. Recognizing contributions consistently helps prevent the tension that can arise when someone feels overlooked.

Preparing for the Conversation

Many people avoid difficult conversations because they fear making things worse. The truth is, the longer you wait, the more awkward and emotionally charged it becomes. I tell my clients to rehearse. Role-play with a trusted colleague, a coach, or even an AI tool until the words come naturally.

When you go into the conversation, keep it simple: make an observation, explain the impact, and make a request. Leave space for them to share their perspective. And remember, it’s about improving the situation, not winning an argument.

Conclusion and Key Takeaways

Dealing with difficult coworkers is part of every career. If you assume good intent, focus on observations over judgments, and frame challenges as “we” versus the problem, you can address issues without damaging relationships.

Set ground rules early, have conversations sooner rather than later, and prepare by rehearsing. You may not always get the exact outcome you want, but you will strengthen trust, improve team dynamics, and build a reputation for fairness and professionalism.

Listen to the Full Conversation

This article draws from my discussion with Raj in a recent podcast episode where we explored real-world scenarios, role-played solutions, and unpacked the mindset needed to navigate workplace conflict. To hear more stories, practical strategies, and live coaching examples, listen to the full episode here: Dealing with Difficult Coworkers Podcast Episode.